haiku-usa

A blog devoted mainly to haiku and senryu and to thoughts about, and inspired by, haiku and senryu.

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Location: New York, New York

Haiku is to poetry as espresso is to coffee.

Saturday, November 08, 2008

brick

They keep coming. This is a slightly revised version of a ku I posted at jem's blog as a response to one of hers. You can see her work and the earlier version of this by clicking on "jem" to the left

red brick
leafless branches
brushing shadows

17 Comments:

Blogger Devika said...

"ku" -??
like me, you to have no form? i mean, in poetry -- :-)

i know it isn't fair to dissect it further,but this makes no sense to me!

like to see what jem said of it-

wishes!
devika

4:43 PM  
Blogger Masago said...

Nice.

5:47 PM  
Blogger Magyar said...

Whisking shadows.
Well done, John.
_M

6:26 PM  
Blogger gautami tripathy said...

Very atmospheric..

8:00 PM  
Blogger jem said...

Great to see you put this up here too Bill.

You really enrich our comments sections with your additions. It makes me wonder how far a single haiku could go if each person tweaked it a little. Like chinese whispers.

6:56 AM  
Blogger polona said...

excellent in its own right and a great complement to the original

10:18 AM  
Blogger Bill said...

devika, now you can see what jem said of it. Remember, haiku is the least explanatory form of poetry. Its keynotes (following Cor van den Heuvel) are: 1. awareness; 2. perception 3. suggestiveness. Or, as Robert Wilson says, not the rose but the scent of the rose.

Thanks to both of you, and to Vaughn, magyar, gautami, and polona.

10:34 AM  
Anonymous kouji said...

beautiful imagery. :)

3:37 PM  
Blogger Bill said...

Thanks, kouji.

8:46 PM  
Blogger Devika said...

Hi Bill!

i understand...but you said about it as "a version of a ku" in your intro note...

so i was not going by the rules of Haiku here :-)

wishes!
devika

8:49 PM  
Blogger Bill said...

devika, "ku" is short for haiku.

6:19 AM  
Blogger Devika said...

oh, i see :-)

wishes!
devika

9:31 AM  
Blogger Tikkis said...

wiping
dust free sky --
the wintry wind

10:12 AM  
Blogger Bill said...

Nice image, tikkis. I think

wiping the sky
free of dust

might be more idiomatic English.

Okay, devika!

5:50 PM  
Anonymous YogaforCynics said...

Very pretty...and it makes perfect sense to me...if one wants to read it in a literal way: shadows of leafless branches seeming to brush the red brick...or maybe not...there's a lot there....

11:09 PM  
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