swim
midnight swim
the curve of her hip
in my hand
First published in Notes from the Gean
En francais (Monika's translation)
bain de nuit
la courbe de sa hanche
dans ma main
posted by Bill | 8:27 AM
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11 Comments:
nice one
much love...
lovely Bill
john
This indeed leaves one thinking.. good one Jim..
Based on my attempts to learn two part structure of haiku with juxtaposing principle..I have tried four haiku.. linked but at the same time independent too.. would love your input..
http://rameshsood.blogspot.com/2011/12/silent-sunbeams.html
J'aime !
et à mon avis, une version française de ce haïku n'a rien à envier à la version anglaise :
bain de nuit
la courbe de sa hanche
dans ma main
cordialement
M.
Lovit Bill... warm and sensual.
_m
Sultry stuff, Bill... I like it!
Thanks, my friends. Monika, that's an excellent translation
Oh, beauty!
keskiyön uinti
hänen lantion kaarre
minun kädessä
Just a small "misspell" due to possessive suffix; someone would write:
keskiyön uinti
hänen lantion kaarteensa
minun kädessäni
First one 5-7-5, second 5-8-6
But also perfectly correct to write 5-6-4? :
keskiyön uinti
lantionsa kurvi
kädessäni
:-) "kurvi" in a little bit naughty, and "mutka" not so fine either, anyway?
I think I can read it little bit with a slightly flexible manner:
keskiyön uinti
hänen lantionsa kaartuu
minun kädessäni
Here I made "curve" as a verb. But this is also 5-8-6.
Oh, oh, Bill. Leaves me thinking.
Adelaide
Sexy! Love it!
thanks for those kind responses. tikkis, I can't speak with authority about translations into finnish. In english, 17 syllables is generally the upper limit, but an extra syllable or two can be acceptable if adequately motivated. short-long-short (5-7-5, 5-6-4, etc.), is the preferred format, but it is not obligatory.
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