haiku-usa

A blog devoted mainly to haiku and senryu and to thoughts about, and inspired by, haiku and senryu.

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Location: New York, New York

Haiku is to poetry as espresso is to coffee.

Friday, December 09, 2011

swim

midnight swim
the curve of her hip
in my hand

First published in Notes from the Gean

En francais (Monika's translation)

bain de nuit
la courbe de sa hanche
dans ma main

11 Comments:

Blogger Gillena Cox said...

nice one


much love...

10:31 AM  
Blogger John McDonald said...

lovely Bill
john

12:30 AM  
Blogger Ramesh Sood said...

This indeed leaves one thinking.. good one Jim..

Based on my attempts to learn two part structure of haiku with juxtaposing principle..I have tried four haiku.. linked but at the same time independent too.. would love your input..

http://rameshsood.blogspot.com/2011/12/silent-sunbeams.html

2:59 AM  
Blogger Monika said...

J'aime !
et à mon avis, une version française de ce haïku n'a rien à envier à la version anglaise :

bain de nuit
la courbe de sa hanche
dans ma main

cordialement

M.

11:45 AM  
Blogger Magyar said...

Lovit Bill... warm and sensual.
_m

4:41 PM  
Blogger Eric 'Bubba' Alder said...

Sultry stuff, Bill... I like it!

6:32 AM  
Blogger Bill said...

Thanks, my friends. Monika, that's an excellent translation

7:49 AM  
Blogger Tikkis said...

Oh, beauty!

keskiyön uinti
hänen lantion kaarre
minun kädessä


Just a small "misspell" due to possessive suffix; someone would write:

keskiyön uinti
hänen lantion kaarteensa
minun kädessäni

First one 5-7-5, second 5-8-6
But also perfectly correct to write 5-6-4? :

keskiyön uinti
lantionsa kurvi
kädessäni

:-) "kurvi" in a little bit naughty, and "mutka" not so fine either, anyway?

I think I can read it little bit with a slightly flexible manner:


keskiyön uinti
hänen lantionsa kaartuu
minun kädessäni

Here I made "curve" as a verb. But this is also 5-8-6.

11:49 AM  
Blogger Adelaide said...

Oh, oh, Bill. Leaves me thinking.

Adelaide

4:47 PM  
Blogger HaikuKelly said...

Sexy! Love it!

1:11 PM  
Blogger Bill said...

thanks for those kind responses. tikkis, I can't speak with authority about translations into finnish. In english, 17 syllables is generally the upper limit, but an extra syllable or two can be acceptable if adequately motivated. short-long-short (5-7-5, 5-6-4, etc.), is the preferred format, but it is not obligatory.

8:07 PM  

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