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A blog devoted mainly to haiku and senryu and to thoughts about, and inspired by, haiku and senryu.

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Haiku is to poetry as espresso is to coffee.

Monday, November 28, 2011

down under

down under –
her lips as she says
eucalyptus

Shiki Kukai, November 2011

15 Comments:

Blogger Ramesh Sood said...

Thanks Jim, every visit here is teaching me.. and I am learning too..

7:39 AM  
Blogger John McDonald said...

great one Bill
john

8:06 AM  
Blogger Bill said...

Thanks, Ramesh and John

4:00 PM  
Blogger HaikuKelly said...

Oh, this is a sexy little haiku!

6:39 PM  
Blogger Bill said...

Glad you noticed that, Kelly (or Alison).

7:56 PM  
Blogger Ramesh Sood said...

Your comments on my posts are some great lessons for me..Bill.. and each one of the perceived haiku became a true haiku.. I become aware that it is a long way for me.. but then now that I have someone to guide.. I shall continue the journey...

I am truly honoured Bill and the kind of care and effort you have put in giving me inputs overwhelm me...an invaluable gift from selfless giving..I am the lucky receiver.. Thanks a lot Bill.. for being in this space.. God bless!

A clear path
Teacher's gentle push
His eyes shine..


RS : )

9:06 PM  
Anonymous Judith Westerfield said...

Bill, I read your feedback on Ramesh's haiku:

"intolerable" is one of those evaluating adjectives, and a projection as well: If I can't tolerate it, perhaps others can.

I know virtually nothing about Haiku except to count syllables!

I would like to understand if using an evaluative adj. is not best because: Haiku is for pure, objective description (onto which others project their experience; This comment was specific to Ramesh's Haiku; Depersonalization is rooted in Japanese art forms; OR . . . .?

Thank you Bill. I very much enjoyed reading your feedback. (and when I saw the word verification "juddy" below I felt compelled to ask you my question. - a bit narcissistic but hey! what are the odds . . .)
Judy Westerfield

10:14 PM  
Blogger Bill said...

My pleasure, Ramesh. Your appreciation is appreciated.

Judy (may I call you juddy?), there are no absolute rules in these matters; every generalization I offer admits of exceptions for good reasons. That said, haiku does tend to the kind of objectivity you are talking about; it points at the moon, without saying "Look at my finger." I once wrote one on a related theme:

falling star
the child stares
at my finger

Pretty to me may not be pretty to you. What's intolerable to me may be something you tolerate without difficulty. If I call something boring, I'm merely saying that I am bored; the problem may be me.

Even descriptive adjectives are to be handled with care; excessive modification can suck the life out of any kind of writing, especially poetry. Mark Twain on the adjective: "When in doubt, strike it out." Or, to put it positively, write with nouns and verbs.

Hope this helps, and it's a pleasure to meet you.

6:59 AM  
Blogger Leo said...

simple, yet brilliant :)

came by from Rameshji's blog..

good to learn through others, and I did from your comment. Thank you, Bill...

10:53 AM  
Blogger Bill said...

Thanks for the visit, Leo.

8:30 AM  
Blogger Ramesh Sood said...

Hi Bill,

Have tried to catch a moment keeping in mind the lessons... would feel honoured if you could have a look and comment..please..

http://rameshsood.blogspot.com/2011/12/love-appears-in-white.html

RS :)

12:44 AM  
Blogger Leo said...

Hi again sir, I was perusing your site and came across Shiki Kukai and visited their Googlegroups page too. I'm confused as to what I've to do to enter it. Could you guide me?

2:42 AM  
Anonymous Judith Westerfield said...

Bill,

Helpful to Juddy
Clarification is good
Max seems not to care

Max writes own haiku
Juddy is his human foil
No purist is he

7:19 AM  
Blogger Bill said...

I'll drop by, Ramesh.

Leo, I should be receiving this month's announcement soon. If you provide me with an e-mail address, I'll forward it to you. It should tell you what you need to know, and I'll be glad to answer any questions.

No purist am I, either, Juddy, but perhaps something of a traditionalist. I don't think everything in 3 lines should be called haiku. I'm not an enforcer, though.

7:32 AM  
Blogger Masago said...

Nice one.

3:53 PM  

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