haiku-usa

A blog devoted mainly to haiku and senryu and to thoughts about, and inspired by, haiku and senryu.

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Location: New York, New York

Haiku is to poetry as espresso is to coffee.

Thursday, August 02, 2007

flea, corrected

There was a copying error in yesterday's post. This is how it should have gone

flea collar
the dog's bark
looks louder
Thanks to dana-maria for pointing this out. I've decided to leave both versions up, but this is the one I prefer.

5 Comments:

Blogger Tikkis said...

I prefer this one!
The lines are intense;
L1 a collard, (flea - dog)
L2 just a scene, & sound.
L3 returning the reader up to L1?
How to understand now L2?
It's still there, just a dog.
(& invisible fleas.)

Great, I'd say?

8:17 AM  
Blogger Collin said...

This one is great, Bill. I really enjoyed both of your entries in this month's kukai.

Collin

10:10 AM  
Blogger Masago said...

Agreed.

8:05 PM  
Blogger Bill said...

Thanks tikkis, collin, vaughn.

4:44 PM  
Blogger indonesianegriku said...

thank's for sharing info,..!
Kerja Keras Adalah Energi Kita
INDONESIA BUMIKU

6:44 AM  

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