haiku-usa

A blog devoted mainly to haiku and senryu and to thoughts about, and inspired by, haiku and senryu.

Haiku is to poetry as espresso is to coffee.

Wednesday, August 01, 2007

flea collar

the dog's bark

looks bigger

Entry in the Shiki monthly kukai for July, 2007. Kigo: "flea"

Anonymous said...: Ha! Excellent, Bill. :); 4:42 PM
Masago said...: Ha! Indeed!
Welcome back.; 7:55 PM
Anonymous said...: flea collar
the dog's bark
looks louder

In my view, the original version has a more suggestive nuance as acoustic effect. It was one of my favourites: a subtle connection between the cause and the result.
Thank you, Bill.; 12:12 AM
Bill said...: Thnks for the comments, guys, and for your good wishes while I was away.

"bigger" was a copying error. I agree, dana-maria, that "louder" is stronger and more precise. I'll post that version and let visitors decide which they prefer.; 6:59 AM