haiku-usa

A blog devoted mainly to haiku and senryu and to thoughts about, and inspired by, haiku and senryu.

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Location: New York, New York

Haiku is to poetry as espresso is to coffee.

Sunday, January 08, 2006

Just before Nightfall

just before nightfall
winter branches
scribbled on the sky

16 Comments:

Blogger Anonymous Poet said...

I am peering up through those branches.

8:31 PM  
Blogger Anonymous Poet said...

BTW, I left a response to your colorful comment back at my site. Hope you enjoy.

8:33 PM  
Blogger floots said...

spot on
like a.p. i could see the scene so clearly
(i've recently done a tanka on a similar theme - substitute deer for branches - will probably post it in a few days but it lacks your touch)
cheers

10:56 PM  
Blogger Eric said...

i love tree branches at dusk. especially in the winter time.

5:47 AM  
Blogger TwistedNoggin said...

I have a few haiku's and senryu's on my poetry blog. I love the way they make you let go of the unecessary and convey a pure image.
Nice. :)

12:50 PM  
Blogger Bill said...

It's good to know that there are some fans of winter--a much underrated season--out there.

3:43 PM  
Blogger Denis said...

Bill,

Very nice indeed.
You could say 'bare branches' and winter would be understood. Just 2-cents' worth...

'scribbled' is the perfect word.

bw,
Denis

10:42 PM  
Blogger Bill said...

Good point, Denis. Somehow, in this case, "winter branches" feels right to me, but, to be honest, I haven't thought much about why.

6:24 AM  
Blogger Bill said...

Denis, I just had a second thought about why I chose "winter" over "bare." I think I didn't want to draw the picture at that point because (1) you can draw that particular picture, since (2) scribbled only works if the branches are bare, and (3) I wanted the scribbling to be the main pictorial feature of the ku. It remains the case that "scribbled" might mean neither "winter" nor "bare" is necessary, but I think I wanted you to be definitely in winter before I got to "scribbled." That is, I didn't want: "Scribbled? What does that mean? Oh, I get it: it's winter, so the leaves are bare." I wanted the image to be immediately felt. Don't know if any of this makes sense, but thanks for provoking the thought.

6:30 AM  
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6:30 PM  
Blogger feminine expressions said...

oh how wonderful, how perfectly wonderful! i feel like clapping...

i read your beautiful comment for anonymous poet and couldn't believe how much wonder and memory you brought to me in so few words...

i am delighted to have found you and i love your words even more now...

diana christine

12:19 AM  
Blogger Denis said...

Bill,

Re: bare & scribbled, thanks for elucidating. Makes good sense to me.

bw,
Denis

1:59 AM  
Blogger Bill said...

darrelamarks: Welcome. I'll check out your blog.

diana christine: welcome to you. And thank you for your encouraging comment.

denis: thanks for stopping by. It's always gratifying, and quite rare, to know I'm making sense. Thanks again for getting me thinking on this.

6:46 AM  
Blogger T.A.T. said...

enjoyed.

7:58 PM  
Blogger Bill said...

Thanks t.a.t. Good to hear from you

8:27 PM  
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7:34 AM  

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