haiku-usa

A blog devoted mainly to haiku and senryu and to thoughts about, and inspired by, haiku and senryu.

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Location: New York, New York

Haiku is to poetry as espresso is to coffee.

Sunday, May 31, 2009

open sky revisited

After posting "open sky" here the other day, I posted it at magnapoets (see links) as I often do. But it turned up there with an unintended change in format. To my surprise, people who read it over there liked it like that. I thought I'd post it here and give you a look. Since it's already been published, this is not an issue, but I wonder how many editors would tolerate this departure from the norm.

open sky . . .

in a field of wildflowers
I look for words

7 Comments:

Blogger Magyar said...

Bill,
_It stretches the 'open sky' further above the field of wildflowers. That empty added line (to me) adds that 'visual' feel of space.
_May that be where the words, for which you (we all?) are looking, are 'afloat?'
_m

6:14 PM  
Blogger Bill said...

That's a great reading, Vaughn. Thanks.

6:19 AM  
Blogger Juhani Tikkanen said...

Graphically well cooked up! :-)

(It's important for many poets, but now also haiku!)

I agree with Magyar. A four-liner?

This is working when published in a blog.

11:27 AM  
Blogger gene said...

the double spacing after line one doesn't bother me Bill, but, along with the ellipses at the end of line one, personally, I feel that it creates to much of a pause.

5:46 PM  
Blogger Bill said...

Oops. Apologies to Magyar (I thought I read "masago"). A great reading still

Thanks, tikkis. With one line invisible?

I see your point, Gene. Thanks.

6:50 PM  
Blogger jem said...

I think this formatting works well, because it adds space, indicating the height of the sky above the person.

3:27 AM  
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5:51 AM  

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