haiku-usa

A blog devoted mainly to haiku and senryu and to thoughts about, and inspired by, haiku and senryu.

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Location: New York, New York

Haiku is to poetry as espresso is to coffee.

Tuesday, December 04, 2007

whistling variant

When Aurora, in her comment on "whistling," referred to a deja vu moment, it was because she had already seen this one-line variant: same words, different arrangement. I'd be glad to know which works better for you.

snowflakes in the wind whistling kettle

posted by Bill | 8:45 AM

7 Comments:

Blogger polona said...

this feels like a different haiku to me... more cheerful in a way.
but i can't decide which one i prefer.

10:29 AM  
Blogger Bill said...

Well, that's a good sign, polona. I'd like to believe that each one works in its own way, and your reading is very interesting.

1:18 PM  
Blogger Ričardas said...

Both are nice to me. I would prefer this one if somebody with the gun forces me to choose :)

10:37 AM  
Blogger Bill said...

Thanks for the input, Ricardas. I don't carry a gun.

7:21 PM  
Blogger Ričardas said...

Oh good, then i don't have to choose between good and better :)

10:34 PM  
Blogger Tikkis said...

A difficult question, without any guns 5 points for this one,
and 4 pts for that another one below.
I cannot explain why,
I'm just feeling that way, now.

(Ps maximum is 5 pts)

ps2. Perhaps that's why; This haiku is beginning with a picture of a nature, and the last line is something technical? :-??

11:14 AM  
Blogger Bill said...

Glad to take the pressure off, ricardas.

I appreciate your thoughtful comment, tikkis.

3:54 PM  

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